I ended my 2016 post by saying that 2017 would be the year of change and I was absolutely right. 2017 was a wild hurricane filled with changes; both drastic and small. Each and every change was infused with a bittersweet syrup of lessons and reality-checks. Being Shahad, I had to drink these lessons and try to understand them as best as I could. On some days, I drank a little too much of that syrup and ended up drunk on anxiety. It is no lie that the lessons I learned are great in number and fathoming them was a challenge, but they were also very necessary. Here are some of the lessons I learned:
everything comes to an end.
Sometimes we lose ourselves to life and forget that time is not an enemy nor a foe, but a friend that is kind enough to end things for us. Time allows us the courtesy of closure, because it is in human's nature to hold onto things we love even if those things don't love us back. That is when time comes in the picture, take our hands like a caring mother would, and turn us away. When I was still a student, fed up and tired, I resented time for not letting my journey come to an end. But when it did, I felt lighter than the lightest thing that could ever exist. My pain and exhaustion came to an end and were not necessarily replaced with ecstatic joy, but with the sheer satisfaction of having my journey to bid me farewell. Whatever may be holding you back, weighing you down, is going to end. Just keep reminding yourself like I did that time is not so bad.
anger is a blackhole.
Anger's gravitational force is extraordinary. Once you let it get to you, it sucks everything in. It sucks all of the emotions at once and leaves you confused. Unsure of when and how to recover; to go back to your self. Sometimes it does not only poison your mind, but your body as well. The anger runs in your veins and charges you with nothing but negativity. Your sight becomes blurry to everything and everyone is to blame, including yourself. Anger is a trickster that should not be trusted. It waits for the moment to be given an opportunity of control, to walk you through a road of agony towards utter destruction. If you feel its presence lurking, shut the door and breathe. If it does get it in, rationalize it. Find its root and cut it out. I realize that it is not a simple matter, but try to find a way to gravitate back around your sun; your source of warmth and happiness.
with independence comes responsibilities.
Few weeks after celebrating my academic accomplishment, I realized that I have reached the gate of adulthood. The realization alone terrified me because I had to leave the den of comfort and tend for myself. However, that also meant being independent which is incredibly liberating. The moment I gained that amount of independence, responsibilities were born. Endless paperwork and looking for job opportunities are only few of those responsibilities. But the one I did not think I would fear the most is having time. Having so much free time after being tied down to deadlines and homework submissions sounded divine at the beginning, but then I became conscious of the fact that I have to do something with that time.
"I know that I know nothing."
It was not easy for me to embrace the fact that it is completely fine to not know something. Admitting it alone pierced my ego right in the heart, and it was not always easy to recover from such embarrassment. However, once I grasped the philosophical meaning behind it, I realized that not knowing something leaves room for learning. We live in a society that rarely admits not knowing something. In fact, if one asked something, most would try to come up with any answer even if it was false rather than say they don't know. I don't understand the stigma that is behind saying "I don't know", but I began to use it more often this year and I actually gained far more than when I used to pretend to know. There's absolutely no shame in not knowing.
Other lessons learned:
everything comes to an end.
Sometimes we lose ourselves to life and forget that time is not an enemy nor a foe, but a friend that is kind enough to end things for us. Time allows us the courtesy of closure, because it is in human's nature to hold onto things we love even if those things don't love us back. That is when time comes in the picture, take our hands like a caring mother would, and turn us away. When I was still a student, fed up and tired, I resented time for not letting my journey come to an end. But when it did, I felt lighter than the lightest thing that could ever exist. My pain and exhaustion came to an end and were not necessarily replaced with ecstatic joy, but with the sheer satisfaction of having my journey to bid me farewell. Whatever may be holding you back, weighing you down, is going to end. Just keep reminding yourself like I did that time is not so bad.
anger is a blackhole.
Anger's gravitational force is extraordinary. Once you let it get to you, it sucks everything in. It sucks all of the emotions at once and leaves you confused. Unsure of when and how to recover; to go back to your self. Sometimes it does not only poison your mind, but your body as well. The anger runs in your veins and charges you with nothing but negativity. Your sight becomes blurry to everything and everyone is to blame, including yourself. Anger is a trickster that should not be trusted. It waits for the moment to be given an opportunity of control, to walk you through a road of agony towards utter destruction. If you feel its presence lurking, shut the door and breathe. If it does get it in, rationalize it. Find its root and cut it out. I realize that it is not a simple matter, but try to find a way to gravitate back around your sun; your source of warmth and happiness.
with independence comes responsibilities.
Few weeks after celebrating my academic accomplishment, I realized that I have reached the gate of adulthood. The realization alone terrified me because I had to leave the den of comfort and tend for myself. However, that also meant being independent which is incredibly liberating. The moment I gained that amount of independence, responsibilities were born. Endless paperwork and looking for job opportunities are only few of those responsibilities. But the one I did not think I would fear the most is having time. Having so much free time after being tied down to deadlines and homework submissions sounded divine at the beginning, but then I became conscious of the fact that I have to do something with that time.
"One staying active will make you want to live a hundred years." – Japanese proverbI may no longer be taught by professors, but instead I had to teach myself how to make good use of time. So I began listing things to accomplish and kept myself occupied, because being productive is actually a thread to sanity. Though this can be argued mercilessly, I believe that having a purpose is what keeps people going; what keeps me going.
"I know that I know nothing."
It was not easy for me to embrace the fact that it is completely fine to not know something. Admitting it alone pierced my ego right in the heart, and it was not always easy to recover from such embarrassment. However, once I grasped the philosophical meaning behind it, I realized that not knowing something leaves room for learning. We live in a society that rarely admits not knowing something. In fact, if one asked something, most would try to come up with any answer even if it was false rather than say they don't know. I don't understand the stigma that is behind saying "I don't know", but I began to use it more often this year and I actually gained far more than when I used to pretend to know. There's absolutely no shame in not knowing.
Other lessons learned:
- I can't help those who don't want to be helped.
- Red lipstick is a mood changer; a confidence booster. Wear it with pride.
- Korean skincare products are the only skincare products that matter.
- Communication is key.
- Letting go of those who are not on the same level of growth as yours is necessary. They can hold you back and tire you.
- GUST's graduation ceremony is phenomenal.
- Black coffee tastes far better when sugarless and bitter.
- Kuwait City is actually very beautiful.
- "I know I'm not alone."
- Respect all, but especially those who deserve to be respected.
All in all, 2017 was not a bad year for me, but that doesn't make it a good year either. I believe that 2018 would be the year of getting shit done. Having more accomplishments to be proud of and definitely a year to heal. If you reached this far, I thank you dearly for using your precious time to read this post. I wish you all the best in whatever that is you want to do in your life next.
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